"Reprimanding people and correcting their faults is important; it is actually an act of charity - the first requirement of samurai service. One must take pains to do it in the proper way. It is an easy matter to find strong points and shortcomings in another man's conduct; it is equally easy to criticize them. Most people believe it a kindness to tell people things they do not want to hear, and if their criticism are not taken to heart, well, then nothing more can be done. Such an approach is totally without merit. It produced results no better than if one had set out willfully to insult and embarrass the man. It is simply a way to get things off one's chest. Criticism must begin after one has discerned whether or not the person will accept it, after one has become his friend, shared his interests, and behaved in such a way as to earn his complete trust so that he will put faith in whatever one says. And then there is the matter of tact: One must devise the proper way to say it, and the proper moment - perhaps in a letter, perhaps on the way home fro a pleasant gathering. One might start by describing one's own failures, and make him see what one is getting at without a word more than is necessary. First one praises his strength, taking pains to encourage him and put him in the right mood, make his as receptive to one's words as a thirsty man is to water. Then correct his faults. To criticize well is extremely difficult"
Jocho Yamamoto
Hagakure
quoted by
Yukio Mishima
The Way of the Samurai
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